Saturday, April 4, 2020 my in laws, my husband and myself felt the raft of the Coronavirus! While finishing up breakfast with my husband he received “The Call.” The call that I am referring to is that the hospital was pulling the plug on our grandmother.  Honestly, I have dealt with death on many levels, but this one was different. I didn’t cry but I could feel the pain! Like did my husband’s grandmother really just spend a week in the hospital by herself and died alone? What is this? What is going on here? Nothing is worst than knowing you are thirty minutes away from your loved one, and there is nothing you could possibly do for them. You cannot visit, you cannot touch them, you can not kiss them, you cannot even hold their hand or say your last goodbyes. Granny lived an amazing life and spent her last days doing as she pleased, but none of us thought that it would be or end this way. She didn’t have the pleasure of dying in her own bed surrounded by nothing but love and her loved ones. She died alone, in a cold hospital! A hospital full of strangers, a hospital where it’s a huge possibly that she was not a priority. A hospital where they were in control of what decisions were being made on her behalf, because we were not able to be there for her. No one was able to fight for her. No one was able to love on her. Granny was one of the sweetest people that I have ever met on this Earth. She was loving, she was kind, she was giving, and most importantly she smiled from ear to ear no matter what she was going through. Granny was loved by many and I am grateful to have met her because my husband did not have the same luxury to meet my mother, grandmother or great grandmother. 

I titled this entry SHOOKED is because that’s exactly how my extended family, myself and the world feels. People that could have possibly lived longer are now TAKEN because of a virus that felt like it popped up out of nowhere overnight. A virus that doesn’t discriminate against age, race or gender. A virus that has left many of our loved ones to die ALONE. A virus that has made home going celebrations uncomfortable. I started to wonder how many other people and families were dealing with the exact same situations. Loved ones fighting for their lives ALONE! I would like to know what emotions are you going through? Are you feeling regretful? Maybe because you did not spend as much time as you would have liked to spend with the person you lost. Are you feeling angry? Maybe because you feel as though you could be there to fight with your loved one. Maybe you are feeling disappointed? The feeling of disappoint could come from feeling like God didn’t take your feelings into consideration when calling your loved one home without being able to say goodbye. Well I am here to tell you I know all of those feelings you could possibly be feeling. I am also here to tell you that God knew exactly what you and your family would be going through at the exact time and day. He did not forget about you or forsake you. This is actually a great time to lean on and into God more so that you can build your personal relationship with God on what he needs and wants from you.

The reason I am saying it is a time to lean in on God because you have just experienced the unthinkable. You can now pray for someone else that is experience what you are going through. You can now pray for people that are unable to pray for themselves. I know it is a lot to ask when you are going through yourself but nothing in the world feels better than knowing you can pray for someone that cannot do it for themselves. You of all people now know exactly what to pray for. You know the prayers that you may have wished someone would pray for you and your family. You can now pray and ask God for healing for those that cannot even ask for prayers. It’s time for you to stand in the gap for world, doctors, nurses, other hospital workers. It’s time for you to stand in the gap for families that are hurting whether it is financially, physically or mentally. It’s time for you to stand in the gap for others that are possibly on the verge of losing their lives, women and children that do not have a safe space anymore. Even while we are going through there is still power in our tongues and prayer. God has not left you are taken your loved one away from you! They are both looking down on you and encouraging you to keep going, living out your life and being a blessing to others. Whether your blessing is through your words, praying for someone, helping someone out in need etc. God spared you for a reason and the reason is to be a blessing. Being a blessing also includes using your personal testimony. That is was I am here using mine.

I know a lot of times we have so many questions about what our loved ones may have felt while they were going through and transitioning to the afterlife. Some of my own personal questions are and were: Do they know I loved them? The answer is yes! Are they still with me spiritually? The answer is yes! Do they love me even though I may not have been the best child, friend, mother etc.? The answer is yes! And the question that we all have had or asked at some point who has lost a parent, child, grand parent or loved one in general. Did I make them proud? The answer is yes! Whatever you are questioning while grieving I am here to say yes to all of those things. No one on this God’s Green Earth is perfect. You may have disappointed your loved ones so many times, but guess what? That does not discredit the love they had for you. They still love you and are proud of you, and they would want you to keep going. God did not leave you high and dry. God wants you to lean on him in the midst of your grieving. So, keep going, stay encouraged and YOU ARE LOVED! If you have any responses drop them below. I would love to hear from you. Again, I myself my not have all of the answers, but one thing is for sure, I CAN RELATE!


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