Sorry Not Sorry

It’s been a minute but I am here. I tend to fall back on things I am supposed to be committed to when I am going through. I am trying and praying that I can release this bad habit because I know you all need to hear from me. Even when I do not feel like showing up! But I am going to be H.O.T. (Humble, Open, Transparent) with you all, my audience. Well I have a topic for ya’ll tuh day! So, lets jump right in. 

 As you can see the title of my entry today is called, “Sorry Not Sorry!” When you lose someone in your life the people around you are so quick to say, “Sorry for your lost.” Another thing people have a tendency to say when you lose someone is, “If you need anything, I am here for you.” Now I know that is the norm for most people but I think that norm needs to be change! Why you ask? Well because for one, most people are not sorry for your lost, especially when they don’t even know the person you lost. I know I maybe too blunt for most of you reading, but I have experienced this personally too many times. Those people that say sorry for your lost, will say that and move on with their lives. They will not call you to check in on you, they will not see how you are doing for months, hell or even weeks from the time of YOUR LOST! You will end up dealing with your pain, your negative thoughts and your regrets most likely alone.  Now I am not saying that people are not Sorry to Hear about your lost, but they are not sorry about your actual lost, if that makes sense. Idk if it is just me and the way I think from my own personal experience, but as I state people will tell you those words and carryon. 

Now the next statement, “If you need anything, I am here for you.” Ummmm yeah that’s rare lol. I lost my mother October 3, 2013. Exactly one year and two days from the time my oldest daughter and I moved back to Texas to be closer to her. Funny how God works, he knew I needed to be there and when I needed to be there. He also knew that I would need my daughter to help me get through the loss of my mother. Anywho, when I lost my mother it was sudden, it wasn’t planned, it wasn’t expected and it wasn’t something I was ready to deal with or prepared for (mentally or financial). My family had to rush to come up with money (to bury her). Her best friend at the time started a GoFundMe that lead to dead ends (maybe a reason I am a little salty towards GoFundMe) talk about that late. Her co works at the time even started a collection to help out with whatever they could. It was devasting, it was hard, it was emotionally draining with me having a one year old, my brother to now take care of, on top of me trying to get my own life together. Ohh and let me not forget that I literally just started a new job (Thank God for my manager I had at the time). Well from the outside I looked like I had it together, but from the inside I wish I had people that were actually there for me. I mean friends would call or text here and there, every now and then but it wasn’t enough. Eventually I became best friends with a coworker, and she filled that void of not having a friend or someone to lean on. But seriously? When people say, if you need anything, I am here for you. I think they need to be more specific lol. Like tell me what you mean when you say, “I am here for you”. Are you hear for me like oh lets go get a drink on a Friday or are you here for me when I need someone to cry to at two in the morning lol. No one was really, “THERE FOR ME.” Not saying that people are obligated to me, but why say things you do not mean? You may as well say Sorry to Hear that and keep it moving. This is why I named the title Sorry not Sorry, because when you really think about that time you lost someone that mattered to you, you were most likely going through Alone. I know I felt alone for a while. I eventually learned as years went by when I felt alone, I did two things. One was lean on God’s words and attended church when I could (due to working). Two I would keep myself busy and surrounded myself with positive people. All and all things started to get easier and life didn’t hurt so bad.  

What were your feelings when you lost your loved one? Was anyone actually there for you?  Did you actually feel someone’s sincerity towards you losing your loved one? Were you or did you feel alone? Did you wish to have people there that would come through just to chill or whatever the case may have been at the time. What do you wish was different? How are you coping now that it has been some weeks, months or even years? I have so many questions, I could go on and on. If you have any responses drop them below. I would love to hear from you. Again I myself my not have all of the answers, but one thing is for sure, I CAN RELATE!


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