The Unknown

Some people fear the unknown, some people don’t, some people live for the unknown, some people won’t. I know from experience because I tried not to think about the unknown, Why? because it the unknown. How do you think or live for something that is unknown to you?

I always thought that my mother and great grandparents would be around to see me grow, achieve great things, and become successful. I never thought that they would not be alive to see me get married, have children, or even make a name for myself. That just goes to show you that we as people/human beings live for the future. When I say live for the future, I mean that my whole life as a child and growing up (well before my loved ones died) I had always included them in everything that I wanted to accomplish for the future.

My great grandfather for instance. I would always tell myself that he was the man in my life that I wanted to make proud. I also told myself that he would be the man to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. The man that would always make me laugh, when I wanted to cry. I never thought that he would be taken away from me as soon as he was, but he was. So then you think to yourself well damn am I not supposed to get married because this person is no longer here to do the job I was expecting him to do? Well I had to learn as a child that death is apart of life, but that your loved ones are still with you through your journey of life. They are still able to watch you grow and they are there to smile on you as you do so.

My great grandmother is next. I believed deep down in my heart she was going to live to see me be and do my best. I graduated at the top of my class to make her and my mother proud. Unfortunately she was so sick and unable to attend my graduation. It was a total disappointment, but her health came first. I thought that she would be able to fight the sicknesses that she was consistently battling with, at least to be around to see me have my first child and hold her tight in her arms as she did for my brother and myself. But she soon pasted a year later.

Next is my own mother. The woman that I believed was strong as a bull. She was so strong it was hard to see her cry and feel pain, because she never showed that side of herself. She always stood her ground no matter how much she may have been hurt. Seeing her go from someone so strong and independent, to someone that was as dependent as a baby was a hard thing to witness. But I had to be there for her, I had to be strong. I had to be the one she could cry on, and I had to stand my ground. I thought that she would be the one there to come dress shopping with me, help me plan my wedding, give my advice on combing hair and raising a little girl. I JUST THOUGHT THAT SHE WOULD BE HERE! FOR ME TO LEAN AND CRY ON. FOR ME TO CALL AND HAVE LONG TALKS WIITH, OR SIT IN THE COFFEE SHOP FOR HOURS. FOR ME TO GET IN THE CAR WITH HER TO TAKE HOUR DRIVES AROUND THE CITY OF HOUSTON AND LISTEN TO GOSPEL MUSIC AND PRAY!

All of these deaths were UNKNOWN to me because I was, how should I say (not in denial) but I was definitely taking all of them in the future with me. It is crazy because many people are walking around in the unknown, and some my even be in denial. Battling disease or other illnesses that their loved ones or maybe even themselves know anything about. Just walking around feeling like they are untouched. We as people have to wake up and realize that the UNKNOWN is real and can be a silent, but deadly killer. If you are able to try as much as possible to be aware of what is going on with your loved ones and with yourselves. Just know that YOUR PUSH to get them help, maybe THE PUSH that could save their lives. I may not have all of the answers, but I CAN RELATE!


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